Crippling Fear

I sat down with a piece of cake after a session (the best way to end anything) and immediately questioned every single image I had just captured. Several bites in, wishing the carrot cake would satisfy my sweet tooth and cater to my love of vegetables (too much to ask from a cake), I had to reassure myself that I had done my best. Yes, there's always improvement to be made, but I had worked hard and enjoyed my time with my clients. 

Yet since Christmas, I've been in a funk. The kind of funk that makes everyday a battle. I really have enjoyed the past couple of months, but there's this underlying feeling that still resides (and it's not because I've been continuously eating cake).

I find it emerges when I'm looking at other people's art and unhappily comparing it to mine. It happens when I see someone accomplishing a goal I've been tediously working towards. 

There's fear underneath all my actions. A fear that drives me to comparison. To needing compliments. To resting on what other's think of me. That life dominating fear is utterly crippling. My art feels dead.

Thankfully, God has been taking a hold of my hand and going on a journey with me. A journey of getting to know who exactly He is. It's been one of tears and joy. Yet, one of finding enormous victory. No, not enormous victory in my images or even in myself. Victory in Christ's accomplishments. He paid the price for my sin. For me to no longer be enslaved to this world.

If someone else is succeeding, no longer is that a burden. It is a praise. 

Comparison is no longer where I seek joy. God is my joy.

I strive and work diligently to make sure I represent my Savior well to those who I am fortunate enough to call clients. But, I will not fear man. For, it is God's opinion of me, and His victories that truly matter!